I really don't know where to start, except to say I am one week away from my wedding day. Oh what a spiritual, mental, physical...etc journey this has been. It has taken a toll on my entire being! However, I am soooo very happy. I am so blessed to be marrying a man like my FH. He is great and a wonderful supporter.

I haven't been updating because I have been sick. I was in the hospital in July. (More on that for another day)

However, I wanted to sneak this post in because I am not sure when I will be able to post again.

Today, I was packing my wedding bin. It's full of all the things that I will need the day of the wedding. While doing so I found a bouquet maker that my mom gave me to use for the rehearsal. For some reason it made me sit down on the floor, smile and reminisce(sp?).

It seems like just yesterday when FH proposed. We were so excited and on top of the world. Little did we know of all the little vultures who were waiting on the ground waiting for our bumble to burst and for us to die. Bitter much? Maybe. LOL I remember even before then...we've alway been happy together. Life is amazing and time flies. I have LEARNED SO MUCH! So it's natural that I would share a few tips with the world. LOL These are things that were told of me when I started out, that I really didnt take seriously. They are things I will share here that others may not take seriously. LOL But they are universal wedding truths in my book.

1. Develop a sense of humor. My coworker told me that. I didnt quite know what she meant, but she warned me that I would need one. She was right. Sometimes you have to stop and laugh at the dumbness of others...and a few dumb things you will do as well. Seems harsh, right? Yup that's what I thought until I learned it the hard way.

2. It's best not to rely on friends/family as vendors. I saw this in the bridal magazines. I thought. Wow I would never have that problem, becuase I know anyone I ask will be highly professional and get the job done. That's not what the magazine was saying . If your friends/family is generally professional then they may very well be professional for the planning. However, sometimes the lines begin to cross and it's hard to distinguish between whether you are family/friend or a client. If it doesn't cause major drama--at "best"---it will cause strife. Let them enjoy the day. Hire outsiders.

3.Minimize your bridesmaids. I was told this twice. Did I listen? Nope. Once from someone on a message board and second from that same coworker from above. I thought...nooo nooo...nooo I mean my number is short enough and there won't be any drama. Boy was I wrong. Adviser #1 said if she could do it all over again she would have had two girls max. More than that...too many personalities to have flair up, to make yays or nays. Too much management. I also saw in a bridal magazine a bridesmaid flow chart. It was awesome. I wish I would have used it. It askes you several questions about each person you are considering to be a bridesmaid and it helps you to chart out if they should be a bridesmaid, another type of participant or simply a guest. I can honestly say the women I have now are awesome. However we went through some bumps and scrapes with the orignal cast. I felt like we were running a Destiny's Child telethon or something. LOL

4. Don't sweat the small stuff, because it's your day. I've been told this throughout the entire wedding period. The last person to mention it was the Pastor who is marrying us. However I did not listen. I've tried to please folks. The more I did it there was always someone who felt slighted or left out. There was always someone who went their own way. Also, as we get so close some of the small stuff is being exed out, doesn't make sense or didnt make the final budget cut. I mean really...this is all for 7 hours of our lives. This is the wedding not the marriage.

5. Minimize DIY self projects. HAHAHAHAHAH I saw this one in yet another bridal magazine. It seems SOOOO APPEALING as you walk through the store and say "oh I can do this myself. Oh I can do that for almost nothing". Really you can't. And even if you can, will you have the time...?

That's where I am at now.....

.....trying to finish up all DIY projects by Monday night. I still need to make my bouquet, boutinneres (sp) and corsages.Also we still have to complete the favors. I mean this is with a few days to go. Unbelievable.

This is not to add that I still have to finish up the seating charts which are now a day late.  We have to finish our vows and maybe practice our first dance. We may just have to freestyle it at this point.

Sigh...all the while I am trying not to gain weight as I snack my stress away.

I lost a couple of days this week because I was in excruciating pain and I could do nothing. That was slightly annoying to me. STRESS STRESS STRESS!!!

Okay I am too blessed to be stressed!

I am feeling extremly optimistic. Despite this small checklist of things to do there is A LOT that has already been done. I was shocked to see how much we got accomplished considering my being ill and a few set backs that we faced.

All in all , the BIG day is coming and I am so excited. I know all the hard work and effort will pay off. Hopefully, I will post more often after the wedding. I may be on another time before the wedding. If not keep us and our wedding day in your prayers. I'll have you all in mind.

Until next time...

Ciao Bellas! :)

after all of the darkness and sadness soon comes happiness if I surround myself with positive things I will gain prosperity.

It's been almost 7 months since I've gotten engaged. And it's been about 6 months since I have been dealing with bullish from my two of my closest "friends".

This is my story and I finally want to share it. It's a story of tragedy and a story of triumph. In my opinion it was a story that has been waiting to be told for some time now. Up until now I have been extremely private about some of the background happenings of my wedding because I didnt feel it was necessary to be detailed... However now I believe it's time for me to let it all out so that I can finally put it to rest and close this chapter of my life and move on.

Christmas day I called all of my soon to be bridesmaids  and let them know that I wanted them to be bridesmaids from the door. I was so happy and excited about everything that my first order of business was to select the women who would stand by my side with me as I made a huge transition in my life. 1 was one of my sisters. 2 were my cousins and 2 were my best friends. There were so many people I wanted as bridesmaid. There were several that wanted it, but I chose these ladies because of the close relationship I had with them.

Shortly, after I began planning the wedding. I asked one of my friends to be a co-planner of the wedding with me. From the beginning I saw a few problems coming from her, but I kinda brushed the off. For example, one day we were out looking at wedding site and she kept telling my boo to shut up. Eventually I asked her to stop, thinking of her and her sensitivy, I wanted to set boundries. She fired back saying he was a punk if he couldn't handle her telling him to shut up. I told her he wasn't a punk. She got snippy saying she could care less if he was a punk and it's not something she has to worry about it's my man.

ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME? 1st off I have never disrespected  her nor any of her men. Secondly all of that extraness was not necessary at all. Please somebody else would have cut her right then and there.Yet I just let it go.

Anyway I got over that. Then a few weeks later she and I had a small indirect disagreement about a book. I didnt like the title and I guess she felt offended that I shot down the book. Then she had a stank attitude for about a week or so. No words from her. At that point I began to realize how detailed the project would be and I felt that it would be unfair to ask someone to do the planning for free considering the time frame we were dealing with. Due to unprofessional behaviors during the planning, we would not consider her for the paid planning project if we decided to hire going forward. Therefore I asked her to step down from that position but to please continue planning the shower and the bachelorette party. I explained to her that the job was getting intense and that we hadn't heard from her and we decided to plan for ourselves.

Then somewhere in between that time she and the other friend approached me with wanting to go out "as I approached" my big day. I was kind of confused about just the three of us going out in regards to the wedding because I knew I had 5 bridesmaids. I was informed that no it would be just the 3 of us. I thought that was odd seeing as though we rarely hung out as a trio. I mean one would shy away from one on one withthe other because of her "strong" personality and the other one thought the other was kinda "weak" and had taken issue that folks said the other looked like her. Over the time they did meet up more and more often becaue I would invite them both to the same events and we had a yearly event together, but they never were  cool like that. So I thought it was rather odd. At that point I told them I could not meet up until the following month. I had just mapped out my calender and I was busy for most of the weekends, Easter was coming up in another one of those weekends, and I was mentoring on Saturdays. It was just a hard thing to do, but still I had agreed to meet. So obviously one of the friends didn't like my agreement to meet them the following month and proceeded to curse me out via email and then call me and curse me out. So I concluded that it was best to meet separately to discuss any issues that may have abounded.

(Mind you they intially approached me with "a ladies night out") 

So I decided to meet up with them separately.

So I met with the first friend. It was a nice meet up and I really appreciate it. There she explained that she wanted to meet with me and come correct in person and not send the information via email like the other friend had done. I told her I appreciated that, which I did. She said she had concerns. I thought this was odd seeing as though I had asked her a few months back if she had concerns. She said she had no concerns.

Okay so now she had concerns. She had a hard time explaining why she had concerns and it was something we lingered on until we came up with a slight understanding. She explained that the other friend came to her and asked her if she knew my fiance well and if she did know him she would feel better. The other friend asked her to set up a meeting for all three of us so they could air their concerns.

ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME?!!! Let me give you a quick background on the other friend. I have known her since I was 12 years old. She had never taken issue with being bold and upfront with me.

So why in the world did she feel the need to go behind my back to someone who wasn't even her friend who she had no idea how my relationship was with that friend to ask her about my fiance.

Suspect. Shady. Uncessary drama seeding.

Anyhow I didnt like that, but I swallowed the jagged little pill. Also I was open with the friend I met with and let her know that she knew she could always come to me if she had any problems and also that she shouldn't had entertained the other friend.

Anyhow that segment was over.

Eventually the other friend sent me another annoying email. I CCed the friend I met up with and her and told them I was not happy about them co-conspiring. They both said they had not co-conspired but the chicks were asking me to meet up with them for a night out in regards to my wedding with just them two where they both were going to bombard me with issues...when really they could have just told me on the spot. They were talking back in forth about me, my family and the wedding YET were not co-conspiring.

The story goes on and but the short end is that one friend dropped out and recently I asked the other one to leave after months and months of trying to ignore the fact that she was not happy for me and she was secretly bitter about a lot of stuff that had been going on in the wedding.

Now the one friend that dropped out...I honestly don't know what was wrong with her. She just blew up on me,unfriended me from the facebook, dropped out of the wedding via my voicemail, then called me and insisted on meeting up with me. Eventually she apologized to me. I wil forever be appreciative that she had the heart, the strength and the maturity to apologize. However she had already crossed me and I could no longer trust her. Throughout our friendship we have had plenty of issues, but things finally had simmered down once she got married, moved out of the city and had a child. Through all of that and all her unavailability I stood by her side...first when she began to disappear to hang out with her betrothed, then I literally stood by her on her wedding day when I didnt have a penny to my name ( I put her first), then after she disappeared again to start a family, I was there. I understood that her life was changing and I wasn't going to test her or insult her in the processs. All I asked for was the same in return and I didnt get it.

The other friend, who is a joke, IMO. At this point I can't even respect her. She continues to lie about her true feelings and she's passive aggressive. She would rather shout somebody out through facebook statuses instead of coming to them and being real about what she is truly feeling. She does things sneakily so she can't not be accused of everything. Obsviously she had not heard of karma. What is done in the dark will come out in the light. Now she plays victim. She did nothing wrong. She is perfect. She can handle this, why can't others. I mean the girl was unhappy. She didnt want to be in the wedding any longer, but she just couldn't bring herself to saying so. She had to stay around with her negative spirit and make things bad for others. Well I had wanted to ask her to leave well before I didnt but I was encouraged not to after we had already had enough drama with the first, secondly I thought it was rude and against ettiquette and lastly I had prayed there was hope left for our friendship. However, I was very conflicted and decided to stand still and let  God do His work. Eventually the moment came where I didnt even feel comfortable writing out her wedding invitation. I knew then something was wrong and it came into my spirit that I would be a fool to keep her in my wedding party. EVEN THEN I still hoped we could talk it out and make things right. I was wrong. She declined the first request for a meet up and ignored the second.

You know she makes her smart comments about how she refused to make this wedding her life. Oh how CBS of her. I mean really I am behind in this planning because I haven't made the wedding my life. Also, I have really given my girls alot of leeway and say so which has been nerve wrecking to some. LOL It is really further from the truth. I realize( as I had early on) that there are 4 sides to every story...one side, the other side, what really happend and a lie.

THE TRUTH WILL always stand no matter what!

I have loved these girls with all my heart as I am sure that they have loved me as well. I have put them first many times. I have been there for them and the first time I asked the to think of me first with a little act right all hell broke loose.

This shows that they both were having personal issues at the time and took them out on me. That's the truth. I can call out the problems. I can say it dead to their face, but I'd rather them to continue on with the victim role. They didnt know how to be a good friends, so they should not blame this outcome solely on me. They make it seem like I was so totally consumed in my wedding or that I used them until .....what? I don't even know. Trust me I never needed the bullish I put up with just to be one of their friends and the other I did appreciate many of our times spent together but I will not tolerate envy and negativity. Not anymore I won't.

With all this being said for the most of my wedding planning I have been in the bed crying, I have been in so much emotional pain and I have been trying to express my feelings through poetry and talking to those who care about me.

These are two I never expected to NOT be in my life and I really feel like I experienced the stages of grieving as I realized they would not make it through the transition with me.

Through it all God has been my strength, my family, friends and especially my boo who challenged me not to let anyone ruin our special time.

It's hard for me. But ast the DC song says I am a survivor. I will not give up! I will keep on surviving.

I think there is a very special part of the song that I can really relate too..

I'm wishin' you the best,
Pray that you are blessed,
Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness,
...I'm better than that
I'm not gonna blast you on the radio,
...I'm better than that
I'm not gonna lie on you or your family, yo,
...I'm better than that
I'm not gonna hate you in the magazine,
...I'm better than that

I'm not gonna compromise my Christianity,
...I'm better than that

...You know I'm not gonna diss you on the Internet
Cause my momma told me better than that.

 I don't wish these women any harm. I truly wishe the best for them. There is no hatred in my heart, I just wanted it...all the pain, turmoil, disappointment,disbelief,unhappiness...I just wanted it all to be done with. Now it finally is.

So as the song concludes I will state again:

after all of the darkness and sadness soon comes happiness if I surround myself with positive things I will gain prosperity!

And I felt this last night when I was with my true bridal party once and for all. there was nothing but joy in my heart and cooperation from them. They all have been sefless and put me first. So I rewarded them yesterday and had it be about them, because I love them.

You know God always sends light even admist the darkness.

In no way, shapen or form am I saying I am totally innocent nor without blame. There are many things I should have done differently and steps of prevention I should have taken.

All I am saying is whether bride to be or not...no one deserves the treatment I received from people that call themselves friends.

In the end it's a lesson well learned and I'm glad it's

FINALLY OVER!!!!

~ Thanks for listening.

Until next time.

Ciao Bellas!

 ...just been busy.

The other day I was laying on my bed and I smiled the hardest smile I've smiled in the longest time. I felt so satisfied.

 I have been so jittery, antsy and excited. It's so close, but it's still a tad bit away. The rush of getting it all together and seeing it finally laid out. I've been picking up items I've already gotten and prancing around with them and once again SMILING. LOL It will be here before we know it.

YAY!

That's it for now. Maybe much much more later.

Until then.

Ciao Bellas!